Why is there no theory of everything yet? It is our - women's - fault!

Physicists are special people. Many are careful, delicate, dreamers, smart, introverts, hard-working and much more. Why did we not find our theory of everything yet? After all, there are so many of us.
Are they looking in the wrong places? Yes. Are they using the wrong models? Yes. Are they afraid to think in different direction? Yes. Are they afraid not to get grants? Yes. But why do they continue like this?

Here is the answer: it is because of us women. We all know that men try to perform to impress us. This is also true for theoretical physicists. So we have all these young male physicists around who try to maximise the impression they make on us. And of course, they think that we want a husband with a safe job. They think that a woman prefers a string theorist that is well paid to a lonely researcher that is right in his theory but has no job. And of course, these men are right.

Worse, some of us, like Sabine Hossenfelder, now start making fun of all men working on the theory of everything.  How can a young researcher entering theoretical physics think productively if women, especially older women like Sabine and me, make fun of him? He will never find out anything, I promise you.

Yes, all this is a conspiracy of women to ensure that no man finds the theory of everything. We want men to continue searching in dead ends. We want a woman to get the prize!